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A small, but formidable fortress in the rural countryside. Ice did not challenge the comfortable living of the country. Only occasionally did the Wizards of the West target a snowfall on the Southern Kingdom. For the most part, it was a vast valley of green and trees. Fresh waters. Smiling faces.

The leaders of the town were also sibling royals, the twins Craforowd. The King, Mact was taller, much taller than his sister Katerose, who was undoubtedly a blonde beauty. Although twins (which was a gift from the gods, certainly, for twins and the like were hardly seen back then!), they looked nothing close to identical.

Mact (as I have whispered) was tall, and quite strong. He had the fortitude of the Bridge Trolls, who operated the gates into the peaceful palace. He had a great many tristes with the lovely handmaidens, yet never took a wife to become Queen. It was decided (as soon as their birth) that the twins would share castle control until the first one got married. So, whoever married first will become the sole Majesty, while the other is executed! Kidding! The other would become second in command, clearly.

Katerose sometimes sported feathers in her hair (to show acceptance to the many natives in the area). On occasion, she’d cover her body with this new material that I had not previously (until then) witnessed. It was shiny, much like diamonds, but tinier than sand. Glitter, they called it. And on several special circumstances, the Tetop Queen would plaster the stardust on, and shimmer brighter than all else in the room. She was a fun Queen, and it was no surprise to the land when she took up a fun mate. His name was Domino. He was just coming around, so I had the pleasure of meeting him before I left. Let’s get one thing straight, he wasn’t entirely human, for he had the hooves of a donkey. And, he was Italian (whatever that means!). He would talk about his old home, this place (which, I think is completely make-believe) called Italy. On one eve, I remember him gifting the Queen a scandalous surprise! A beautifully decorated package rested on his crotch! It was something we all laughed about, until Laurp came storming in a fit of rage, beating a lifeless doll! (More on this Laurp soon!).

Domino was a fun addition. He’d always joke and sing these absurd chants, and clack his baby hooves on the marble floor. People didn’t care that he was 98% human, and 2% donkey, for they were constantly entertained. In other news, I’m more than certain that he had a drug problem at one time. This substance called cocaine. It was quite weird and looked of snow. Surely, it was quite familiar to all in the Tetop area, because everybody was always riding some high! It was a fun kingdom to be a part of, and yes, I was sad to leave. But, I had to. I was pregnant as hell!

Laurp, the spiritual advisor to the kingdom, was nothing but a fortune-shouter. Previously, she had been Empress in a neighboring village. (Don’t worry, kids, the cousin kingdoms were toughened allies). Sadly, a Great Tragedy did strike the unfortunate Laurp during one of the town’s many festivals – the Festival of the Sun. During a carriage ride through the town with her husband, the well-respected and handsome Emperor Jonnkenn, an unknown assassin slung a rock from the depths of the world. The mineral missile plowed through the Emperor’s skull, exploding his brain all over Laurp’s gown of pink! (She was the first to sport the exotic color in the area!). Not long after, the Empress deserted her royal life, thus evaporating the kingdom’s customs and continuance. She moved to Tetop, unknown to the Twin Majesties, and began a sudden life in the shadows. She was a lady of the future, and operated a secret shoppe just on the outskirts of town. She read fortunes, predicted events (usually the dark ones), and occasionally took a man. I had met her on one occasion, long before I became of the North, and had quite an experience. The shoppe was wicked looking, as if an explosion of WHAT THE FUCK had devastated the place. I was thirsty for some premonitions and so forced myself in. The place was covered in jars, mostly empty, and then there! On the bookshelf (and scattered carelessly throughout a majority of the place) were children’s dolls. Yet, not friendly dolls that my little cousin used to bounce with. These dolls were victims, beaten and destroyed by Laurp. Oh, yes, it’s true! Just as I spied inside, I saw her, drunken on anger and certain mead, she beat the hell out of the toys. I did not interrupt the attack, and slithered out in contained fear. Naturally, I recognized the old royal, whose straight black hair gave her away. I was friends with the Tetop Court, and immediately went to them to confide in my find. They would be able to re-establish the distraught Empress. And sure enough, they did.

Oh, my! How could I slip on telling about their shoes! ALL the shoes in the Tetop Kingdom. Why no, they weren’t crystal or gold, but rather wooden! Honestly, the things are dreadful as hell, and not entirely comfortable, but it was a tradition in that land stretching back for years and years, way before Tetop was Tetop.